It’s been a while. My last post, a rather meagre wrap-up at the end of January, was the last time I opened WordPress and, apart from pangs of guilt about my lack of activity, was the last time I thought about writing. This post – an unedited brain dump – is a) an attempt to break the growing cycle of not posting; b) hopefully, a cathartic experience that will remind me that I really do love writing this blog; and c) take the pressure off my next ‘proper’ post.
Entering the new year, I felt motivated, confident, and more like myself than I had in a long time, quickly realising just how ‘meh’ I had felt during 2018. Pretty much from the beginning, 2019 felt better. I sent emails, thought about my future, joined the gym, decided I’d give online dating a go (it didn’t last long) and began to, tentatively I’ll admit, explore more healthy eating. I felt really happy. I always find reading in January hard, so I expected and weathered the annual reading slump believing it would pass in February. However, as febraury wore on, the slump continued. I became cross with my books, annoyed when I walked in my room and saw my TBR pile, or when one of the titles I had been most excited to read failed to hold my attention for the fourth or fifth time. Even the books on my shelves, the books that I had read, began to feel a bit claustrophobic. So, I unhauled, and I unhauled a lot. It felt amazing but I still wasn’t reading and not reading meant I wasn’t blogging.
March has been interesting. I’ve done a lot of enjoyable and exciting things, and had a really great time. I spent a weekend at Crufts with my dad – essentially an annual tradition at this point – spent another weekend in Essex with relatives, including the rarely seen extended family, for my Papa’s 90th Birthday, and, just last night, got home from Bath where I spent a couple days with two of my very best friends, Amy and Alice. I’ve enjoyed it all but I’ve also noticed that in myself I am not as happy. I’m more anxious than I have been for quite a while, I’m experiencing a rather strange collection of symptoms – that both the Dr and my Mum believe may be linked to the anxious feelings I am having – I’m snappy and a little bit sad. That being said, my reading (a big indicator of my mood) has picked up which is excellent, a big thank you to the last book I read: The Binding by Bridget Collins, and I am very excited about the books I bought this weekend. In fact, as soon as I have posted this, I am going to sit in the sun and read A court of Frost and Starlight, most likely in its entirety. Hopefully, this means that I’ll find myself more inspired and with something to write about. Watch this space.
P.S. I am not sure if I am going to continue with monthly wrap-ups, I haven’t decided. If I do, I’ll most likely resume with April’s.